Single mum life is tough! It really is and it has been the most difficult experience of my life. At the same time it has been liberating, freeing and exciting.
My ex-husband and I separated about two years ago in early 2022. I believe that we had come to the end of the road and I became very fully aware that my soul wanted to go in one direction and his soul wanted to go in the completely opposite direction.
It’s not easy to be make such a big decision especially when you have young children (Rhoma my youngest daughter had just turned one years old) and as much as our souls were going in different directions are heads and our minds wanted to stay together. That’s why I often refer to our divorce as a living loss.
Divorce is not something I ever wanted to experience. In fact I had always feared divorce. I remember growing up when I saw my parents argue as every couple does and I would fear that they would get a divorce. I perhaps in some way must have indirectly manifested that fear.
The experience of living loss is like waves of grief at the loss of what could have been. The dreams we had of watching our children grow up and growing old together had to be all released. We will never experience that together and it is still something that makes me feel sad.
I don’t dislike my ex-husband and I have a great amount of respect for him as the father of my children. We have both had to work deeply on our own childhood traumas, generational trauma and so much more that unfortunately it led us to this point. At the same time this unravelling of our pain has at the same time bought about some sense of healing and hope for ourselves individually but also for our children.
So what does life look now as a single mum? I moved out of our family home into an apartment that is closer to my own family and friends. My girls go to the local school and nursery and I’ve now been able to rebuild my yoga classes and business back up again which had to be side-lined as I went through all the changes in my life. When the girls are with their Dad I work on my business, practice self care, catch up with friends and do whatever else I need to do to nourish myself so that I can be at my best for when the girls are back with me.
In one respect I feel like I have gone back in time as I moved back into the neighbourhood I grew up in yet I also feel like a whole new person. I’m still rediscovering who that person is but I’m starting to like her more and more. She’s brave, courageous and strong. She has overcome fears and battles that at one point in her life would have killed her. She’s mothering and taking responsibility for her children alone and when it gets tough and there is no one to turn to she goes in and finds that connection to spirit and her army of support. She is one mighty strong woman!
If you know someone who is going through a divorce or thinking of getting a divorce please remind them that divorce is OK. Let’s shed the stigma and raise the awareness that divorce does not mean the end! It is not the end of you. It is truly the beginning of a whole new journey of your soul’s evolution.
2 Responses
So inspiring, Jaina. You are definitely one of a kind. Huge respect to how you have handled this delicate and difficilt situation. Most stories I hear about divorce, there is negativity and the ugly side of people come out. You have remained positive and beautiful. How you are holding yourself and managing tells me that you are a true yogi, who doesn’t just teach asanas but practices all the limbs, that which needs to happen in everyday life, not just in class. I know you’ll keep going, and keep inspiring.
Thanks Payal Xx