“The success of Yoga does not lie in the ability to perform postures but in how it positively changes the way we live our life and our relationships.” ~ T.K.V. Desikachar
I firstly want to share the above quote with you because the practice of yoga allows us to develop healthier and happier relationships. Therefore if you are in a difficult relationship trust the path of yoga and with faith you will find the answers to resolve the problem that you may be facing.
Recently I have been involved in a few conversations with various people who have spoken to me about the challenge of certain relationships. It is fair to say that it is hard to avoid difficult relationships and inevitably we will all come across certain people whom we dislike or in an extreme situation cannot stand to be around! However these difficult relationships actually represent opportunities for us to realise that these people are triggering certain negative emotions such as hatred, jealousy, envy, anger etc which exist within us.
Now we can try and avoid those people whom we dislike and if you are in an abusive relationship (physical or verbal) I would actually recommend taking yourself away from such negativity as staying in that situation will not serve you. However in some cases the person you dislike maybe someone such as a family member, work colleague or friend that you cannot avoid! Avoiding those people whom we dislike means we also avoid feeling the hatred and negativity but inevitably other situations or other people will come into our life and will also trigger those same feelings. So how do we overcome these feelings?
Firstly recognise that the difficult relationship is in your life for a reason. You may not know or understand that reason right now but due to your own karma (the spiritual principle of an action having a reaction) you have attracted this person and relationship into your life. When you can recognise this and own the situation the energy shifts; you step into your personal power and you become greater than the situation.
Secondly we must realise that our external world is a mirror of our internal world. I know this might be a heavy concept to get your head around but if for example the difficult person who is in your life puts you down and is negative about you then it is worth asking yourself if you have been negative to others or perhaps even to yourself? At first this may be difficult to see however once we recognise our own negative traits we allow ourselves the opportunity to change. When we can drop the negative traits and instil more positive ways of thinking and acting we become stronger and once again this shifts us into a place of power.
I also want to note that if someone is treating you badly this does not mean we blame ourselves. Yes due to karma we may have attracted that person into our life but with the practice of love, compassion and empathy towards ourselves first and then others we can move out of this difficult situation. Also remember if someone is behaving negatively towards you it is because they have their own internal issues, habitual patterns and pain which they need to overcome. At present they may be ignorant to their pain and in turn blame others however instead of fighting fire with fire give them your love, compassion and understanding instead. With this process you may see changes instantly and sometimes it may take longer. However trust the process and know that you are working from a place of truth and wisdom and when the time is right you will see a positive change.
Now that you have owned the situation and taken back your power what do you do when you see or interact with that person? When you are around that person check in on how you are feeling; Do you feel angry, hurt, upset, betrayed? Recognise the feeling and give it your attention. Notice how this feeling has a physical reaction within your body for example you might feel a sense of tightness or tension in your throat, chest or belly. Feel the tightness, feel the tension and then take a deep breath in through the nose and exhale fully through the mouth relaxing the body. Do this until you no longer feel the physical tightness, tension or heaviness.
This technique may be difficult to do in a public space when you are around that particular person therefore you can also do this in the space of your own meditation. Find a quiet space within your home and allow yourself to sit comfortably. Close your eyes and take a moment to watch your breath. Then start to think about the person whom you dislike. Think about all the things they do that make you feel angry, hurt, upset or any other negative emotion. Within the very safe space of your meditation allow yourself to feel the hurt, to feel the pain and the discomfort that they cause you. Notice the tightness in the body, the squeeze of the abdomen, the heaviness in the chest, the holding of the breath. Feel it and then take a big breath in and exhale fully from the mouth relaxing the body completely. Repeat this exercise until you can think of that person and not feel any reactions in your physical body.
To complete the meditation allow yourself a moment to express a sense of gratitude to this person. Mentally thank them for being in your life and allowing you to become a stronger person. Send them your love knowing that they are a reflection of you and as you send them love you in turn also receive love. Finally mentally repeat the words ‘I am you’ because we are all one and when we separate ourselves from the people we may not like we also separate from the essence of our true self which is to love and be loved.
You have now worked energetically with this situation and inevitably this will then affect your external situation. However note that this is an ongoing process so you may need to do this a few times to really clear the energy. Also if you don’t see any changes ask yourself if you are still holding negative thoughts about that person. Perhaps you still have a grudge? If so then remember that holding anger inside you does not serve you and holds you back from feeling truly healthy and happy.
Continue to practice the above meditation until you feel completely clear within your body, mind and heart. You can test this by noticing how you react when you think or are in the physical presence of that person. You know you will be clear when you can be in that person’s presence and you still feel happy inside despite what they may be doing or saying. Remember you create your own happiness and no one can take that away from you unless you let them.
Life is too short to hold grudges or to be full of hate and it makes me so sad to see the consequences of such negativity. However these are our life lessons and by practicing and sharing these lessons together we can make the change to live in a happier and loving world.
Sending you all my love,
Jaina
